Co-Workers Driving You Bananas? Avoid Getting Bruised!

Whether they’re arrogant, talkative, pushy, time-sucks, whiners, or over-all annoying, if they’re your co-workers, you have to deal with them. As tempting as it would be to go “postal”, the reality is you need to have a positive relationship with them in order to be effective in your job. Sure, you could complain to your boss but that could make you look bad and potentially worsen the situation with your co-workers. How do you manage the relationship with an impossible co-worker – without alienating them? Here are the behaviors that cause the most trouble, and ideas on how to deal with them:

1. Arrogant Alvin – He’s the guy who swaggers into your office and is all too happy to point out what you need to do. To boot, he probably talks loud. Arrogant people are generally very insecure, so it’s important to be tactful. The best way to deal with Alvin when he insists on telling you how or what to do is to acknowledge his positive intention, “I know you’re trying to be helpful and I can appreciate that.” Then kill two birds with one stone. Create a bond with him so he’s likely to walk away feeling good, and tell him how you generally handle things so it’s more a statement about you than it is about him. For example, “If I find I need your help, it’s good to know that I have you as a resource. Generally, however, just like you, I prefer to do things my own way.” This leaves the door open for you, should you need his help in the future.
2. Pushy Pricilla – Pricilla is stubborn and argumentative and generally pushy. When she takes a position she won’t give an inch – even if there are other valid options to consider, she has to be right. The best way to deal with her is to find some point of agreement with what she is saying. This will immediately disarm her and she will become more open to your point of view. Pricilla is so pushy and stubborn because she feels like her idea is being resisted. For example, Pricilla insists that the marketing budget should be spent on advertising, yet you think promotion is more important. She says “Advertising works. It always has in the past and it’s a no brainer”. If you respond “No, we should do promotion” she will launch into 10 reasons why advertising is better. The most effective way to handle Pricilla is to find something you can agree on “You’re right, advertising has worked.” This does not mean you agree that the budget should be spent on advertising, you’re just finding common ground. By offering this, Pricilla will no longer feel the need to keep pounding away at her position and will be more open to hearing your ideas.
3. Willie Whiner – Complainers just want to complain. Willie doesn’t want advice or you to argue with him, he just wants a sounding board. Oh, but it’s so annoying to listen to him complain and complain. Although it may seem counter-intuitive, the faster you empathize, the quicker he’ll be finished. For example, Willie says “I work hard and nobody notices.” You can short circuit this conversation by saying “You do work hard and I can understand why you’d be upset if nobody cared”. You just gave Willie what he wants – a little understanding.
4. Talkative Tillie – Every office has someone like Tillie. By all accounts, she is a very nice person but just tends to talk too much. You see her walking down the hall and look for an open door to duck into. You feel guilty, don’t want to be rude, but have work to do and can’t spend big chunks of time listening to the minutia. Unfortunately, you can’t avoid her forever so when she pops into your cubicle, set the expectation upfront. Let her know you’re in the middle of something and only have a couple of minutes. Then signal that with body language: stand up, don’t let her sit down; look at your watch and have an intensity about you so she knows you need to get back to work. You can excuse yourself and say “sorry I have to cut this short”.
5. Nosey Nancy & Rude Richard – Let us hear from you.   What is your best advice on dealing with these types in your office?

Since no man is an island and we all have to work together, it’s important to try and understand where your co-workers are coming from. When you realize their behavior is a symptom of some other issues they’re dealing with and most likely has nothing to do with you, you’ll be better equipped to deal with them. No matter how annoying your co-workers can be, have compassion. After all, you may fit into one of these annoying categories on a bad day.

Fred & Gladys
Whelan Stone
Executive Search and Coaching

Copyright 2009 Whelan Stone. All rights reserved.

 

www.whelanstone.com

Help! My Co-Worker Is Now My Boss

Everything was going great, your career was rolling along and then the announcement came down from the executive suite that your co-worker, NOT you, got the much coveted promotion.  Darn!  And you were friends too, so this feels even more awkward.

 

As Lincoln said, “The better angels of our nature” should help us be magnanimous in defeat.  Then again, what did Lincoln know about things going “south”?  You lick your wounds and realize you’re going to have to figure out a way to make this work.  After all, you love the company and the work you’re doing, plus you don’t want to derail the career success you’ve had to date.

 

Here’s our Take Five on how to move forward now that your co-worker is your boss: 

 

 

1. Offer Support – Congratulate them on getting the job and tell them you know they’ll be successful.  They’ll appreciate this vote of confidence because, don’t forget, this is new territory for them.  Offer them your expertise, some special skill that you have that will help them be more effective in the initial months of their new job. 
2. Don’t Be Two-Faced – The worst thing you can do is to put on a happy face to your boss and talk negatively behind their back to others in the department.  Or undermine their efforts and authority by criticizing them: “Joe doesn’t know what he’s talking about”.  If that’s how you really feel, bring it up to Joe rather than badmouthing him which will reflect poorly on you.  Even if people come up to you and say “You should’ve gotten the job”, resist the opportunity to agree with them.
3. Take Orders With a Positive Attitude – This might be the hardest part at first, taking orders from a former co-worker.  Remember that one of the keys to being successful is being flexible.  It’s perfectly normal for them to be giving directions, so accept it in that light and don’t take it as a personal affront. 
4. Be Patient – Keep in mind this is a new position for your boss and that s/he will be figuring this out as they go.  If they happen to stumble, that should not reinforce to you that the wrong person got the promotion.  In a new job, we all have a learning curve and your new boss is no different.  Give them the benefit of the doubt.
5. Keep Your Friendship – Chances are that you were friends (at least at work) with this person as a co-worker.  Maybe you went to lunch or attended conferences together.  There’s no reason for this change in organizational structure to affect your friendship.  It’s perfectly okay to invite them to lunch as you used to.  Be understanding if their new commitments don’t always allow them to accept.  Real friendships tend to survive these new circumstances. 

 

 

Change is part of everyday life in an organization.  Sometimes it works in our favor and sometimes it doesn’t.  That person was chosen over you because they were seen as the stronger candidate.  Use this as a learning opportunity to discover and develop those areas which will make you the next one promoted.  In the meantime, anything you can do to help your new boss will strengthen the department and reinforce you’re a team player. Senior management values this quality in their leaders, which will serve you well in the future.

 

Fred & Gladys

www.whelanstone.com

 

Copyright 2008 Whelan Stone. All rights reserved.

Getting Ahead Without Kissing Up

People often complain when others get ahead that they’ve done so by “kissing up” to the boss.  These people frequently say “I’d rather not get that job if it means pretending to be someone that I’m not.” They see trying to get closer to the boss as too much self promotion.

 

What they fail to realize is they can still be themselves and of great value to their boss without compromising the integrity of who they are. 

 

Here’s our “Take Five” on getting ahead without kissing up:

 

1. “Go-to” Person – Be the person your boss can count on in a pinch.  If an important project comes up and they need your help, they know you’ll figure out a way to get it done with a good attitude.   Many people complain about getting extra work, seeing it as a burden rather than an opportunity. They view others’ willingness to take on additional assignments as “kissing up”, but it’s not the case at all.  Being a reliable resource isn’t playing politics, it’s just smart business. 
2. Keep It Neutral – Don’t get too emotional/negative about situations that arise. Contaminating the environment with negativity is counterproductive.  If you’re upset about something, be honest with your boss but do it in a professional way.  Who would you rather listen to, someone who rants and raves or someone who presents the situation in a compelling, yet even-keeled manner?
3. Good Communications – By maintaining frequent communication, you’ll have your boss’s ear.  This might take the form of new information about a competitor or new technology that can help your company.  Letting your boss know you’re thinking about the business is not “kissing up” if you’re genuinely interested.  Don’t do it just to score points.  On the flip side, you may be voicing concerns your co-workers have about company policies, opportunities, etc.  Giving your boss greater insight into what’s going on will enable him/her to be proactive.  This is not done to gain favor with the boss, it is to nip a problem in the bud.
4. Be Yourself – Many people make the mistake of acting one way towards their boss and another way towards their peers.  We’ve all seen people who have an ingratiating manner towards their boss and then are total jerks to everyone else.  Treat everyone with the same respect that you would want in return.  
5. Bond – It’s important to bond with your boss.  This doesn’t mean you have to start playing golf or take on a new activity JUST to bond with them.  Look for other ways to connect that are genuine.  This could be asking about their kids, dogs, hobbies.  If you happen to come across (don’t go looking for one) an article of interest to them (e.g., classic cars, books, etc.), share it with them. 

 

The way we see it, there’s plenty of opportunity to stay true to yourself and create a good relationship with your boss.   This does not have to come at the expense of your co-workers or your integrity.  Be genuine in your approach and everyone will see it for what it truly is.

 

 

Copyright 2008 Whelan Stone. All rights reserved

  

Whelan Stone

21st Century Business Etiquette

Have you noticed that manners have taken a backseat in the workplace?  This isn’t new but, sadly, is a growing trend.  Companies put a lot of pressure on people to get their jobs done and this can create stress and tension.  People fly by you in the morning on their way to a meeting, without saying hello.  Or, barge into your office or cubicle and expect your immediate attention.  Is this the end of the world?  No.  But wouldn’t it be nice if people were just a little nicer?  

People may rationalize that there just isn’t enough time, but we all know that it only takes a minute to create goodwill.  While having the opportunity to make a greater impact is the main reason people leave their jobs, following close behind is the chance to escape rude co-workers.  

 Here’s our “Take Five” on how to make your workplace a little friendlier: 

1.  Play Nice – It only takes a second to be polite.  Remember the magic word “please”” shouldn’t sound like “Puhleeze”.  People appreciate when you make the extra effort to be nice.  Selfishly, being nice also pays huge dividends.  In this era of needing to work collaboratively, being nice will make people more apt to want to work with you and contribute to your projects.  

 2.  Don’t Make Your Bad Day, Their Bad Day – We all have those days when we’re not feeling 100%.  Whether it’s a cold or personal problem, your bad mood may lead you to take it out on your colleagues in the form of ATTITUDE.  When you find yourself in this situation, let people know that you’re “off” today and that the “real you” will hopefully show up tomorrow.  Apologize when necessary. 

3. Return Calls & Emails – Be responsive to people you work with.  Even if you don’t have the information they’re looking for, acknowledge their communication.  For example, if they are calling for an update and you don’t have one, it’s better to respond “I’ll get back to you tomorrow” than not to respond at all.   

4.  Meetings Rule – It’s important to show up on time and be prepared.  Even if you would rather not be there (see # 5) – you owe it to the other participants to contribute and be attentive.  Bringing your positive attitude to the meeting will inspire others to do the same. Being present is key and that means not glancing at your Blackberry every few minutes.  

5.  Wait Your Turn – How often have you been in a conversation with someone, when a third person walks up and interjects something about an unrelated issue?  Recognizing how annoyed you are when that happens to you, avoid doing that to others.  The same holds true for walking into someone’s office and speaking while they’re in the middle of working.  If you do need to interrupt, then apologize for doing so.  Don’t assume it’s okay to just barge in.  

Keep these practices in mind and you’ll have a real positive affect on your co-workers.  You may not be able to change your entire working environment, but you can make a difference and lead the way. 

Did we miss any in your top five?